stupid clowns

I saw a guy get hit by a car in the middle of the street today. I mean, he really got hit hard, like in movies where you think to yourself, "Wow, I wonder how they switched in the stunt dummy for that scene?" Anyway, all these people were just pointing and laughing, and I was all horrified, so I ran to the middle of the street yelling at the people who were still laughing for being such assholes, but then I looked down and realized it wasn't a man, but a clown. I felt really embarrassed for caring about a clown, so I said really loudly, "Oh, it's just a clown," and I walked away like I was leaving him for dead. I don't know if people believed me though.


an article about fireworks that is almost a month too late to be timely

I read The Wave Magazine almost religiously. Which is to say, I read it on Easter and Christmas while tugging at my tie. This article is about fireworks, and it made me laugh and show all my roommates, one of which is not a monkey any more (I'll tell that story later).



the meter maid's nemesis

So I was down in LA for a conference, and I had just crossed the street to find a girl with an apron about possibly eating noodles for lunch, and I'm pulling money out of an ATM to pay for lunch-noodles, when I saw this raggedy-bag-man putting change into an expired parking meter from his fast-food begging cup. I watched him move down a line of cars parked on the street, repeating the process for every expired car.

Most people who pass him probably pretend not to see him, and they figure he spends his money on booze as soon as he has enough, because, you know, he's a BUM. But give him some sandals and a robe, and you might as well call him Jesus Homeless Christ.

I'm reminded of a moment in the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie (which is a horrible sin against God, by the way), where the old grumpy grandpa pulls Charlie aside and says, "Don't sell your ticket just because we need money! It's just money; they will always print more money. There are only 5 golden tickets out there ever!" Try to get someone who complains all the time to suddenly say that in a really warmhearted voice, and you'll see why I said, "awww!" out loud like I had just seen a puppy saving kittens from a burning building, even though they are, you know, natural enemies. Anyway, the two events are very similar, except Charlie got all the candy and riches in the world, and Homeless Christ just has karma and a lot less change.