how else do you stop a dog from sleeping on your bed?

Today, Oedipus would not stop barking at the linen closet, which I thought was pretty weird, because I've been training him to AVOID bedsheets, not confront them. So I grabbed my shiny broadsword that the Jehovah's Witness gave me, hushed the puppy, and yanked the closet door open.

Out pops a ghost. How do I know? He was dressed in a white sheet, with eye holes, and he shouted "Boo!" when I opened the door. He also floats. He is like the embodiment of every ghost cliche I know, and he won't stop moaning, or rattling his stupid chains. I already hate him, and he's only been my new pet for like two hours. I call him Marley. Way to go out of your way to fulfill stereotypes, Marley. You are like a half-black half-Jewish sports doctor.

dls