doggie doors are the next logical step after mudflaps

You know what would be a clever name for an indie-rock band? The Sippee Cups. They would be a Polyphonic Spree splinter group, and all their lyrics would sound like baby-talk. You know what is definitely NOT clever? Let us say that it is never a good idea to train a dog to use a litter box.

I was just so damn tired of waking up early in the morning to let Oedipus do his business. I thought, hey cats can do it, and they are stupider than stupid-is-as-stupid-does, so dogs should be awesome at pooping in a box. And believe me, I was right. Oedipus was like a dump truck on a construction site -- it was his natural environment. Unfortunately, it turns out dogs enjoy the taste of kitty litter, and it also happens to make them violently ill.

There was a logical next step: fill the box with toilet paper. I thought, people use it -- we don't number two on it directly, but it seemed like it would be an OK stop-gap until I figured out a more permanent solution. I gave it a shot, but the wet toilet paper disintegrated faster than Oasis. I was in my neighbor's yard, hosing out the sludge from the litter box, when it hit me -- what the hell was I doing opening the door for Oedipus when he should be opening his own damn door? That was that -- the doggie flap was installed yesterday, and now I need to train Oedipus to take some responsibility in his life.

dls