the best art should be eaten

Today, I watched Oedipus lunge for a piece of pineapple that dropped on the floor. He acted as though it was a steak, and he was the canine-equivalent of a hungry cheetah. Dogs will put anything in their mouths that drops from their master's hands -- of course, maybe they are just worried about the five-second rule. They don't know shit about how bacteria work. They don't know about mitosis, or DNA, or that evil pigs are responsible for the Asian Bird Flu. They just get there as fast as they can while silently counting to five. But dude, pineapple. Even the hairless tropical jumping dogs of Western Fiji don't eat pineapple in the wild. Why, Oedipus, did you want it? You knew it was a pineapple -- with the wonder-schnozz that you have, you could work as a bomb-sniffer, drug-sniffer, panty-sniffer, whatever job ends in sniffer, you wouldn't even need a list of references. I don't know.

Anyway, the fact that Oedipus would put anything in his mouth reminded me that little children are the same way -- which is why Happy Meals should be marketed to another demographic. However, I got a really awesome idea out of all this. Check it: edible macaroni and glitter-glue pictures! I mean, macaroni is already there, right? And kids eat paste all the time, so I am told in cartoons. Besides, Elmer's is non-toxic and stuff, and it has a cow on it, which I assume implies it is practically a side of beef. The other, other white meat. Now that I think about it, Elmer's is pretty fucked up to put a cow on a glue bottle and then not to tell kids why.

Anyway, all I really need is edible glitter, and maybe paper, although I've heard that children eat that too! Then, you could have kindergarten art projects where five-year-olds make their abstract art (it's a dinosaur, can you tell?), boil them, and serve them with spaghetti sauce! Kids would learn many valuable lessons -- take two more big bites, clean up isn't always a chore, and that great art comes out of your ass is always inside you.



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