a classic gag to pull on a vampire

Man, I freaked my roommate out today. You know those arrow-through-the-head gags that everybody knows about, but nobody has ever seen in real life? Well I made a wooden-stake-through-the-head from a bit of 2x4 and a wire coat hanger. It was pretty good, and I had saved some of my hair from my last hair cut to cover the wire, so you couldn't even see how the stake was attached to my head.

Anyway, my roommate was just getting out of his coffin around sunset when I burst into his room shouting, "Vampire hunters! They've got me!" I then collapsed to the floor and chewed a ketchup packet I hid in my mouth so it looked like I had blood seeping out from internal injuries like Neo when he is plugged into the Matrix.

I know it is cliche, but he "screamed like a little girl," and -- swear to God -- peed in his coffin. When I suddenly "came back to life," he screamed again, and -- really, I wish I could say I was making this up -- he turned into a bunch of bats and flew out of his open window to safety.

He came back in about fifteen minutes, looking pretty sheepish, and I was laughing so hard that I think I gave myself a sports hernia. I felt kind of bad about giving him such a scare, so I helped him hose down his coffin outside. A little Pine-Sol, and his bed is burial-fresh.

The gross thing, though, is that vampire piss is red.

dls