what a trip to irvine!

I just got back from a pretty cool road trip to Irvine, which is a CD and a half south of Los Angeles. It was just me and Tim-tim my monkey roommate in a car filled with peanuts, and I have to admit our adventures have brought us closer together.

At one point, a huge tiny-penis-compensation SUV cut us off as it raced by at 95 miles per hour, causing Tim-tim to drop his banana on the floor. He barely picked it back up within the 5-second-rule cutoff, and then he got really frustrated because all he wanted to do was curse in sign language, but his hands were full of banana. We thought that would be the end of that, but lo and behold, the prick-mobile got stuck behind a truck trying to pass another truck. We waited right on their tail while we formulated our plan.

When the 18-wheeler pulled back into the right lane, the SUV (Navigator? Explorer? Firefox?) gunned it, but we kept right on their tail. As soon as we were past the trucks, we jumped in the right lane, sped past our prey, and swerved back into the left lane right on their front bumper, causing them to brake really hard and honk a lot. We then executed the coup de grace: Tim-tim rolled down his window, pooped in his hand, and launched his feces back where it splattered all over their windshield! It was a beautiful direct hit, and the SUV went into a tail spin and had to pull over to the side of the road.

We high-fived (left-handed) and pulled into the next rest stop where Tim-tim cleaned off his hand and we hid from the prick-mobile. Tim-tim even got a free banana from a girl with pigtails who didn't want to eat hers. Pretty soon, the prick-mobile went speeding past on the highway again, swerving around some old lady as though old ladies grow on trees or something. We were sad that they didn't learn their lesson, but it looks like they won't learn their lesson until an old lady poops in her hand and splatters it all over their car.

dls