i can't believe i spent a cash-wad on you dick-wads

Brad Mehldau, for letting Warner Bros put copy protection on your album "Places," I nominate you for the seventh circle of hell, where a bearded woman will stick YOUR PIANO UP YOUR ASS.

The Bad Plus, for even being associated with Sony and their border-collie retarded XCP copy protection on "Suspicious Activity," I will pray that a giant dunks you in a vat of his saliva.

Autechre, your "Draft 7.30" rips perfectly fine -- EXCEPT FOR THE LAST TRACK WHICH IS COPY PROTECTED. For almost being nice guys, but then sticking out your assholes anyway, I will stab you with pencils until you die of lead poisoning. Or graphite poisoning. Fuck you, as long as it hurts.

Buck 65, for pulling THE SAME GODDAMN SHIT as Autechre on both "Vertex" and "Square," which is A FUCKING EXPENSIVE IMPORT. You fucking shithead wannabe underground hip-hop ass-diaper. You of all people should know it is about the music. I BOUGHT YOUR STUPID CANADIAN SHIT, and all I want to do is trade it for some good Canadian shit (which, coincidentally, is also illegal to reproduce). You fuck, for doing it to me twice, I hope you get your balls shot off, then surgically reattached through an experimental procedure, then ripped off again. I also hope you turn yellow for some reason.

When I bought an iPod, I threw out my Discman without a care, and now all I want to do is strangle a puppy.

dls